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the art of acting weak

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[02 Aug 2003|07:31pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i've decided to change my journal so you can find it at spinlight. i'll be adding all of you so yeah. this will be deleted in a few hours, maybe a day.

2 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[02 Jul 2003|01:19pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

:) [02 Jul 2003|01:15pm]

kissingpistols
from "Claim an LJ user!":

[ mood | creative ]

i'd like to claim xlose_leavesx she is mine and i get jealous when everyone loves on her.


mine. envy is a wonderful thing...sometimes.


Alysha you are the best ever. Everyone go add kissingpistols k.

3 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[25 Jun 2003|02:42pm]
[ mood | Jewish ]

stars are awake
What Exploding Dog Art Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

That is all.

2 ass kissers| kiss my ass

NO! [24 Jun 2003|03:05pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

I woke up yesterday at 10:00 PM and realized that my cell phone was off and that kissingpistols was supposed to call at like...8? and I had a major guilt trip.

New Found Glory is touring with Sum 41 in Australia. NO! -buries self in ground never to be seen again-

I still need to find a job.

"It didn't have a tail!"

4 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[23 Jun 2003|11:24am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

So ten minutes ago my mom comes up to me and says, "you're not really doing anything sitting at home. You should get a job." Seeing as I don't have a license, that severely limits my options unless I get an 8-hour day long position or something. I don't want to work at the Boba Cafe thing...yeah, I'd rather not get bombarded with the type of people I've so successfully managed to avoid throughout my high school years. I would work at The Wherehouse, but you have to be 18. Or something. Whatever, I know that place like the back of my hand since there are no indie record shops nearby. There's always McDonald's, but the fast food working horror stories I've heard are enough to make me never want to work there. That and the endless amount of mooching would just piss me off. Ugh. I'll look around, hopefully I'll be able to find something.

I can yell all I want, but you still can't hear me.

4 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[21 Jun 2003|02:03pm]
[ mood | calm ]

so the placement test sucked, and it drained my mind so i left early and bought the new harry potter book...if any of you have it, don't spoil it for me or i will be forced to kick your ass jXc style. if you are the person that infected carrie's computer with a virus, expect mysterious packages full of rotten peeled bananas that look like cyrus bolooki to arrive at your home and spontaneously combust on your doorstep. or something.

get me away from here, i'm dying.

15 ass kissers| kiss my ass

WOO [20 Jun 2003|03:13pm]
Happy (early?) birthday to kissingpistols, I got your CD <333 and I'm trying to compile a mix of my own to send to you <333 chock-full of cheesy 80's, and mediocre pop-punk music because Steve is jewxcore.
5 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[20 Jun 2003|02:32pm]
[ mood | bored ]

So yeah, I've been listening to mediocre pop-punk for the past two weeks and I need the new Brand New cd like whoa to alleviate this problem. And I can't find my Dillinger Escape Plan cd, dammit.

This Saturday I take my placement tests for SDSU...I know I'm going to fail the math one, but the English part shouldn't be so bad unless I have to write an essay. I've been brain-dead ever since school ended but whatever. I don't really care. Sunday is the All That's Left show. I got my brother hooked on them so now I have someone to go with. I'm not too into the other bands, but hey, it's a five dollar show, it shouldn't be too bad. Other than that, I have nothing to do. Life's boring. Del Mar/NFG show for free July fifth (thank God for Journalism class) and...getting ready for college, the Homegrown interview I'm doing, getting my license...damn, I didn't know I had so much to do.

That's it.

1 ass kisser| kiss my ass

[22 May 2003|04:40pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

so apparently my father's new mission in life is to prove everything that i do/say is wrong.

don't make me fucking laugh.

i'm sorry, but i don't take shit from 45-year-old men that have no friends other than their brothers, get drunk and can't handle it and end up hurling over the side of a car at one in the morning, and treat their kids like they're mindless drone idiots that are uber lazy and should never voice their own opinions. yeah, this is typical teenage angst. i don't care. i just want to get as far away from his self-righteous, hypocritical self as i can. i hate him for these reasons and more that i cannot say.

my dad is an asshole and i have the right to say that.

in other news, melissa is going to buy the new shai hulud record with the $20 she scraped together.

3 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[12 May 2003|03:06pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i will never ever talk to ray again.

mother fucker. so today before first period he says to me, "i can't go."

me: "what?!"

"i can't go."

me: "why not?!"

"i have no money and no car."

first...i already paid for his damn ticket, so all he has to do is get a tux. i don't care about dinner or corsages or whatever, i just need him to be a friend and take me to the god damn prom. second, if we really have to, we can get a ride...or if all else fails my mom can drive us. blecch. oh well.

why do i have such shitty guy friends?

kiss my ass

ugh. [09 May 2003|06:11pm]
[ mood | busy ]

so yes i have decided that i am going to prom. i'm taking my junior friend ray because he's the least strange, and the least taken out of all of my guy friends. obviously, he's cool, otherwise i wouldn't have asked him to take me. but blah i have to buy a dress and make appointments for my hair and they're just going to play shitty music that will make my head hurt with its banality. and kayleigh will not be there so we can't bounce cheese. i will have to get ray to do that, we can go up and down the elevators and act stupid if he doesn't act awkward since it's a formal dance and all. even though we're not going to dance. i will not dance to shitty music.

all in all i hope prom will be a fun, or at least memorable experience, just as long as the "memorable" part isn't something that's embarassing/horrifying. i feel stupid for even deciding to go, but i don't want to regret not going later. school functions=not cool.

4 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[01 May 2003|12:49pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

so the one day that i'm refreshed and ready for math class is the day my teacher decides to be absent. she needs to stop the drinking, i swear. it's affecting her career...not that i care.

this saturday is the hopesfall interview, and i still haven't gotten any questions or whatever done--all i know is that they're from one of the southern states (NC?), had some changes in the lineup, are christians but don't necessarily preach that in their music (now), and some other things that do not come to mind right now.

i have to go to a bright eyes show before they become infested with "hipsters" ripping the tags out of their GAP jeans and crying after listening to justincase or lillix. yeah. i know who those bands are. it's sad.

it's crazy how this generation is so polarized. like...you have people that actually know what's going on and don't fall for the schemes that corporate america tries to pull, and then there are the fools that get their groove on while listening to 50 cent whilst talking on their 6493068309-dollar cellphone and tugging on their kate spade bags, adjusting their american eagle shirts. i don't know. maybe all generations were like that, and i'm just too young/naive to notice. i feel very alienated from the rest of my generation, it's scary sometimes. like...if there's a high school reunion, i won't know about half of the things they are talking about as far as pop culture goes, or even "do you remember when so-and-so dated so-and-so? like omg!" i'll be way out of it. whatever. it's not like i'm some elitist prick that hates everyone and is too busy shopping at the salvation army to pay attention to anything. i'm not bragging. i'm just...i don't know, bemoaning the fact that all of the years of scientific breakthroughs and technological advances have led to nothing but the degeneration of the youth. and it's sad.

kiss my ass

[29 Apr 2003|11:32pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

so i got a haircut yesterday, and everyone is like,"ooh sweet." i don't have a digital camera, and i'm not very fond of my appearance, so there.

kiss my ass

just another manic monday friday... [25 Apr 2003|03:17pm]
[ mood | okay ]

so yeah, today was shitty. the only good thing that happened is that i got tickets to the brand new/senses fail/beautiful mistake/moneen? show w00t. and i got a confirmation for the hopesfall interview next week. YES.

that's it. i'll probably elaborate later...journalism=NO FUN for melissa.

kayleigh just wants bang bang bang on the features page.

kiss my ass

[24 Apr 2003|09:53am]
[ mood | bored ]

i've been in the journalism back room for...2 hours? i want to strangle myself for not getting my license.

so who wants to go to the hopesfall show? i will see you there. krystle and i will be interviewing them. yep. *gloat*

i thought it was 10:30 but it was only 9:30 and dexter laughed at me. i have to do my APENG homework now.

eating people
YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla

steve...as in the steve doll? if so, then :(.

6 ass kissers| kiss my ass

[23 Apr 2003|03:31pm]
[ mood | listless ]

so in spite of the fact that i've done just as much work as 90% of everyone else in my math class, i may fail this six weeks. oh, wait, i forgot, everyone else cheats on all of the tests. and ms. burke is such a vapid idiot that she doesn't see it.

so many people are so fucking </i>blatant</i> about it and she can't see it because she favors them. i hate her and i hate them and i wish they would all sink into a cesspool of rotting feces and be so hungry that they'd eat it but then die from infection. and i would watch and feel bad but leave them there to suffer. because my life is being screwed over by this grade and they are merrily draining any ounce of ethics they had away. i don't care, they may be "good people," i don't give a fuck. they cheat and lie their way through that fucking class and i'm sick of it and sick of them. one day i will just explode. i did it last semester and no one talked to me for a couple of weeks. did i care? no.

i can't wait to get out of this school.

kiss my ass

from last night. [22 Apr 2003|09:03pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

Whoa your so Indie Rock the boys from Penfold are
calling for advice


How indie rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm not going to school early tomorrow. seniors don't have to take the SAT 9's...or whatever they're called nowadays. i'll do my AP english homework then.

i just want to go to mesa grossmont. i'm sick of it all. i give up. fuck college. i should make a mess of everything but i feel indebted to my parents so i try. a little.

go to rockingthescene.com and download the new bright eyes songs because all i have been listening to for the past week is lifted... and it is the sole bright spot in my home life, where i allow myself to be morose.

is he really dating winona ryder?

yeah, so i started writing this at 9:11 pm last night. overwhelmed by my meager sad boring nothing life. all the quotes are obviously bright eyes ones because that is what i have been listening to. they are scattered meaninglessly throughout the course of the entry...

"fuck my face/fuck my name."
now i feel like dying wouldn't be so bad. the only disappointment my parents would face would be my oh-so-untimely death that is such a waste of young life, so much POTENTIAL wasted. at least they wouldn't know that i'm a mediocre person that will probably never amount to much of anything. i can barely grasp complex english or math concepts. there. i said it. i'm not "gifted and talented." i'm normal, maybe sub-par? nothing special. conor oberst articulates my feelings 390265720268 times better than i ever could. "if it just hurts too bad/then we'll wait for it to pass/and i will keep you company
through those days so long and black."

my parents are loose/spoilers with their parenting style. i usually get what i want, when i want it, but i do not often exercise that privelage. or maybe i do and i am just not aware of it.

i'm mediocre! i don't care about going to this or that college: community then state is fine with me. it's not like i am going to become some virtuosos. i'm going to end up living the normal middle class boring life that so much of our population exists in. and i don't know how to escape from that, other than by dying. if i ran away, i'd probably die anyway--i'm not streetwise at all. i'd be used like the proverbial glass. i can't even think of a creative analogy.

i want to be talented and have music that touches people and have a voic and ability and live. i want to entertain, i try constantly to please others and that is all i am good at and good for.

i find excessive drinking and drug use disgusting. but i'd like to do it. just a few times, drink myself into a stupor. "that's how i learned the lesson that everyone's alone/and your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow." i'm not some indie scenester. i don't analyze the meaning behind every single word to every single song, but i love my music, at least at this moment in my life. even just...conor's voice, the cadence of earnest midwestern arogance and cynicism and wonder all rolled into one.

i am not a fangirl.

i doubt that there is a heaven or hell. i often waver. i feel no presence. i haven't since all this shit started happening to my brain. i felt it listening to ashley robles sing in the church choir--i felt it when reading from the ambo to the congregation--i felt it while confessing my father's sins to a catholic priest. but they were only sporadic flashes that cannot convince me of some big omnipotent benevolent being that loves us all.

but it is safe to say you do.
safe
safe
safe

i don't feel safe anymore. yes, materialistic american society, i am ready to be wrapped in your abercrombie arms. embrace me with everything that means nothing so that i will have at least some semblance of being a person and no one will bother me.

kiss my ass

[22 Apr 2003|12:58pm]
[ mood | bored ]

ms burke's sub is so stupid he didn't even get the attendance folders.

i hate journalism.

more later--i have a "real-life" journal, and there's an entry in there that i'll probably transcribe onto here.

why do i have to cut my column?! ahhh i did it.

1 ass kisser| kiss my ass

[19 Apr 2003|12:00pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

so yesterday was one of the most boring days i've ever had. it was good friday, which means we were stuck in church for two hours. i was "the voice" during the mass, which meant that i got to be pontious pilate. "are you the king of the jews?" whoop-de-do. spending two hours in a church listening to doctrine that i'm not sure if i believe was just the way to spend my friday. yep. to top things off, i was stuck in the first aisle because i had to go up to the altar place quickly to do my reading. the first aisle is always reserved for disabled/old people. the man on my right smelled like fish, and the old woman on my left kept coughing up phglem. i'm not ageist or anything...but...bleargh, it was a strange experience.

we had to go and kiss the huge cross as well. as someone who is imbued with catholic doctrine, but isn't sure of her belief in it, this was awkward and being the easily swayed person that i am, i went and kissed the damn thing anyway. no "religious epiphany" or anything--and the altar server wiped the cross with a towel when i finished.

1 ass kisser| kiss my ass

[15 Apr 2003|11:51am]
so the ataris show was awesome. i was squashed between two obese people, which was not so awesome. they played all of my favorite songs..."there was jawbreaker and armchair martian/built to spill and the descendents." ahh quotage. that show also helped to reinforce my opinion that further seems forever sucks ass.

cyrus got braces <3.
4 ass kissers| kiss my ass

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